From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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