I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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