i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
