Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
