he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
