But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
