did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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