Are we in a gay sports bar?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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