Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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