They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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