dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
