Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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