i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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