yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
