...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
