My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
