This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
