Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
this just has baby written all over it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
