Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
