so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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