oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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