i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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