I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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