So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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