You're completely useless in the revolution.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
