does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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