i will never coherently bang her
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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