A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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