Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
