6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
