he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
