i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
