I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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