maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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