fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
