I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
