I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
