I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
