My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
