is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
