Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
