if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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