I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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