there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Actions speak louder than pants.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
