My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
