Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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