Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
