I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize