You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
