just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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