I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
