2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
True strength comes from lack of pants
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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