After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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