she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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