I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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