I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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